I heard that if you live in Delhi but don't speak a whole lot of Hindl people think less of you. So I think more of you because I live in a part of New Jersey where nobody speaks Hindi. If I could move to Edison which makes sense because people born in India or who were born in India illuminate the rest of the world with their life force and part of that is speaking a lot of Hindi. So about this story. Your translation of Hindi into English is so much better than the Hindi translated into English using Google Translate which is why Bollywood producers will start screaming at you if you dare use Google Translate to convert their Hindi filmscript into English. Google translates it as, "A little bit of love for you if it were less your incomplete love we feel poor." Like a really dumb guy or AI, Google has no sense of nuance. But I am not meaning to criticize Google because it is sort of going in the right direction. In Hindi one word can mean so many things and then all the words have to connect with one another exactly so concise exact complete understanding is difficult to reach. The cool 😎 thing is that this is exactly what is going on in this story. The guy thinks if the girl loves him enough, she will allow him to carry on with this other girl. A very shallow dude. What he misses is that if she loved him less or not a lot, she would be fine with his shopping or at least move on and shop around herself for a different better guy. The guy doesn't know that if a girl loves him completely then if he shopping around on the sly for another girl, she's not going to tolerate it. But she loves him so much that the loss is so incredibly great versus if she loved him less.
This a great story but the thing with great stories or making them even greater is not to tell them too much. It's like a good scene in an excellent rom-com. The scene only lasts a short time so you only want the actions that will hint at what's going on and let the audience figure it out. Which you do well in how he kisses her nose, chin, forehead so to indicate his love is complete, which is bahut guilty hai bilco bahut gulty hai. Her response is to turn away as though if he doesn't have enough love or any love, not enough love for her to not go shopping around for another girl. So the great part of this is suspense, what will happen. If you have it on DVD or can stream it, maybe look at the early breakup scene in the film "Queen" just to get some clues on what you exactly need to have or majorly help the story spring forward with what could happen. I do think it is a great little story almost like the excellent opening to a great Hindi film but I would just say totally be yourself in how what you think will happen and what will be said and done or not and how thecstory goes. A good story even if short is like a good Hindi film. Apologies if this is sort of rambling but this is a great little story and reminds me why Queen was so good and Kangana Madam is so good. Keep going!
Hi Larry, first of all, you never have to apologise for these long comments. I love them, appreciate them, and want them. I know if you and Ben are saying something, it is because it resonates with you. And I actually look forward to knowing what you think.
Now about the hindi translation, I do think if your mother tongue is Hindi, it helps, as it did in my case. But it took me a long time and a lot of trial to get it right in English because I wrote the Shayari first and then the whole story.
About what the guy is feeling, I wanted this story to be told from the girl's perspective and have not shown much from his side only to keep this short and packing in emotions. But, it doesn't mean that he was in the wrong. His circumstances and his pain are far too great to be packed in this story.
Also, when I write stories like this, I deliberately do not put name to the characters because I want them to connect to more people.
Yet, it does not mean her pain is less, clearly she is going through a lot.
I have watched Queen, and I have to say that scenes like this one are my favourite in movies and books alike, the raw and the powerful scenes that break and make the characters and stories.
At last, I am only now publishing stories like this and "How I want to be loved" because I want to put out some raw stuff for my readers. I know I should pick out a niche, and stick to it. But that doesn't feel honest to me. This does.
See, now I have rambled on and on.
I just want you to know I appreciate the time, effort and thought you put in letting me know what you feel about my stories. That is one of the best parts of writing. When you get to know about what readers feel.
I heard that if you live in Delhi but don't speak a whole lot of Hindl people think less of you. So I think more of you because I live in a part of New Jersey where nobody speaks Hindi. If I could move to Edison which makes sense because people born in India or who were born in India illuminate the rest of the world with their life force and part of that is speaking a lot of Hindi. So about this story. Your translation of Hindi into English is so much better than the Hindi translated into English using Google Translate which is why Bollywood producers will start screaming at you if you dare use Google Translate to convert their Hindi filmscript into English. Google translates it as, "A little bit of love for you if it were less your incomplete love we feel poor." Like a really dumb guy or AI, Google has no sense of nuance. But I am not meaning to criticize Google because it is sort of going in the right direction. In Hindi one word can mean so many things and then all the words have to connect with one another exactly so concise exact complete understanding is difficult to reach. The cool 😎 thing is that this is exactly what is going on in this story. The guy thinks if the girl loves him enough, she will allow him to carry on with this other girl. A very shallow dude. What he misses is that if she loved him less or not a lot, she would be fine with his shopping or at least move on and shop around herself for a different better guy. The guy doesn't know that if a girl loves him completely then if he shopping around on the sly for another girl, she's not going to tolerate it. But she loves him so much that the loss is so incredibly great versus if she loved him less.
This a great story but the thing with great stories or making them even greater is not to tell them too much. It's like a good scene in an excellent rom-com. The scene only lasts a short time so you only want the actions that will hint at what's going on and let the audience figure it out. Which you do well in how he kisses her nose, chin, forehead so to indicate his love is complete, which is bahut guilty hai bilco bahut gulty hai. Her response is to turn away as though if he doesn't have enough love or any love, not enough love for her to not go shopping around for another girl. So the great part of this is suspense, what will happen. If you have it on DVD or can stream it, maybe look at the early breakup scene in the film "Queen" just to get some clues on what you exactly need to have or majorly help the story spring forward with what could happen. I do think it is a great little story almost like the excellent opening to a great Hindi film but I would just say totally be yourself in how what you think will happen and what will be said and done or not and how thecstory goes. A good story even if short is like a good Hindi film. Apologies if this is sort of rambling but this is a great little story and reminds me why Queen was so good and Kangana Madam is so good. Keep going!
Hi Larry, first of all, you never have to apologise for these long comments. I love them, appreciate them, and want them. I know if you and Ben are saying something, it is because it resonates with you. And I actually look forward to knowing what you think.
Now about the hindi translation, I do think if your mother tongue is Hindi, it helps, as it did in my case. But it took me a long time and a lot of trial to get it right in English because I wrote the Shayari first and then the whole story.
About what the guy is feeling, I wanted this story to be told from the girl's perspective and have not shown much from his side only to keep this short and packing in emotions. But, it doesn't mean that he was in the wrong. His circumstances and his pain are far too great to be packed in this story.
Also, when I write stories like this, I deliberately do not put name to the characters because I want them to connect to more people.
Yet, it does not mean her pain is less, clearly she is going through a lot.
I have watched Queen, and I have to say that scenes like this one are my favourite in movies and books alike, the raw and the powerful scenes that break and make the characters and stories.
At last, I am only now publishing stories like this and "How I want to be loved" because I want to put out some raw stuff for my readers. I know I should pick out a niche, and stick to it. But that doesn't feel honest to me. This does.
See, now I have rambled on and on.
I just want you to know I appreciate the time, effort and thought you put in letting me know what you feel about my stories. That is one of the best parts of writing. When you get to know about what readers feel.
Loved it!
And specially that shayari at the end! <3
Thank you! So glad you loved the Shayari! There are more for you when you come over!
Definitely!
And most importantly thankyou on behalf of all of us non-readers. We love these short stories.
So glad to hear that. Hope you love the other stories too.